Saturday, February 14, 2004

New and improved conspiracy
Since about the time of the French Revolution there has been one inescapable truth in conspiracy literature: if you let a conspiracy buff go long enough, eventually they will discover that it’s all the Freemason’s and the Jews' fault. Usually the Masons work for the Jews: occasionally the Jews work for the Masons. Sometimes the Masons and the Jews work for a far more sinister force (Satan or kitten-eating, extraterrestrial lizard people), but all conspiracies must pass through the narrows of the international Jewish/Masonic conspiracy. Until now.

Twenty-first century American conservatives, intent on proving that they are original thinkers, have discovered a new default source for all evil in the world: the insatiable ambition Hillary Rodham Clinton. Why did Clark run for the Democratic nomination? To make sure there were too many candidates for any one to win the nomination in the primaries, thus assuring a brokered convention, which would then nominate Hillary. Why did Gore endorse Dean? To assure that he would get the nomination, providing the Democrats with an unelectable candidate, thus clearing the way for an unopposed Hillary run in ’08. Why did Drudge’s Kerry sex scandal break at this precise moment? To throw the Democratic field into chaos, thus assuring a brokered convention, which would then nominate Hillary. See how it works?

Of course, it could be that Hillary is secretly a Jewish member of the Eastern Star.

No comments: